tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35828050955792751692024-02-18T23:57:23.547-08:00International MamaThoughts on Raising African-American/German Children...in France.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-7933391609264675352011-10-03T10:32:00.000-07:002011-10-03T11:51:47.570-07:00Better the Devil You Know<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzrxh8jwbZi_REA3AKDLQvlMEmmbFJIUiRwL6S62JsGHhshj7ITAjQWguBRyDRwR-C04Btcu8CdnIxBaczURfHxaJ-dkRBAFpMs1Z0IxTKWuKfTPISMUMsoWQh6hJ3WE1zDBxI52kZbF4/s1600/21772tgpaz9taxf.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzrxh8jwbZi_REA3AKDLQvlMEmmbFJIUiRwL6S62JsGHhshj7ITAjQWguBRyDRwR-C04Btcu8CdnIxBaczURfHxaJ-dkRBAFpMs1Z0IxTKWuKfTPISMUMsoWQh6hJ3WE1zDBxI52kZbF4/s320/21772tgpaz9taxf.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659320863408997458" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:78%;">Photo credit: <a href="http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=809">Idea go</a></span><br /></div><br />I just found a new, totally effective way to get my kids to pick up after themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m sure it’s not psychiatrist-recommended and I know it can’t last forever… but – hey – it’s working now and that’s all I care about for the moment. <p class="MsoNormal">So, the back story: a couple of weeks ago, I was trying to get the kids (ages 2 and 4) to pick up their Legos such before moving on to the next mess.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As usual, they put away one or two things before getting distracted and going about their business.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I tried encouraging them (“good job!”), standing over them (“now pick up that one…and that one…”), bribing them (“don’t you want to go to the playground later…?”), and yelling at them (you know how it goes), but they pretty much ignored me. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Out of desperation, I grabbed a metal musical triangle and said in my most steely voice: “If you don’t finish cleaning up <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">right now</i>, I’m going to ring this triangle.” </p> <p class="MsoNormal">They looked up at me, wordless.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Surprise –and concern – on their faces. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sensing the shift of power in the room, I rolled with it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Lifting the triangle and metal beater, I said again with dead calm: “I mean it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m going to ring it.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The four-year old shouted: <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“No, Mama! Don’t!”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>and scrambled to clean up the toys.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Because the 2-year old does everything his brother does, he echoed, “No! Don’t!” and got busy too.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I wasn’t sure that it would work a second time, but it has.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And a third and fourth. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Of course, I only use it as a last resort since I don’t want its powers to wear off.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Lil’Dawg clearly suspects that nothing will happen if I ring the triangle, but he doesn’t dare test me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Only once when I said threateningly, “Do you want me to ring the triangle?” he answered ‘yes. But he watched my face carefully.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When I moved to get it, he immediately cried, “No, no! I’m cleaning up!”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Actually, they haven’t even needed the triangle threat lately.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t know if the triangle has anything to do with it, but they’ve been much better about cleaning up. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I suppose if I were a more conscientious mother, I’d worry about the effect of scaring them with one of their own toys, but – meh.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Twenty years from now, they may blame me for being unable to fulfill their dream of being a percussionist in the Philharmonic, but at least they’ll be tidy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Okay, come on –let me feel the mama love…. What are the more, um, </i>creative <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">disciplining techniques that you’ve used with your kids? </i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-73157221855505477072011-06-06T14:00:00.001-07:002011-06-07T01:11:49.658-07:00The Naked Truth about Germans<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFjwQ5n1Kv13TL1Epz3TzXvOtw44PEWE-V5RQtKpmnPTRUTgb_IG5QTUFsRAVcmVGFqAHRuU_ZZHaxsR92bCLAXp_mwvwYd78AqppZy9MycaIT5APuosQJkkWMqIeBq-uS7U4TXKG5vsE/s1600/photo%25281%2529.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFjwQ5n1Kv13TL1Epz3TzXvOtw44PEWE-V5RQtKpmnPTRUTgb_IG5QTUFsRAVcmVGFqAHRuU_ZZHaxsR92bCLAXp_mwvwYd78AqppZy9MycaIT5APuosQJkkWMqIeBq-uS7U4TXKG5vsE/s320/photo%25281%2529.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5615218144927315474" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(We're not in Germany in this picture...but we ain't in America either)</span></span><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> 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{mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> </div><p class="MsoNormal">I always found amusing that episode of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Sex & The City</i> where Charlotte was traumatized at the thought of being getting naked in the steam room at her gym.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Unable to drop her towel, she flees the room, crying, “I didn’t grow up in a naked 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In general, black families don't play that. But I don't think it's just a racial thing. 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mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--><span style="line-height:115%; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SAfont-family:";font-size:11.0pt;" ></span><p class="MsoNormal">So it’s a little weird to me that running around naked is very much part of my children’s culture.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">As you know, I am married to a German.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As far as I can tell, most Germans grow up in a naked house.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Go to any beach, lake, river, pond, canal, pool or water fountain in Germany, prepare to throw your hands over your eyes. You'll see far more bouncing, jiggling naked flesh than you ever cared to see. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Naked people fishing. Waving from boats. Taking a stroll along a shore. Gardening (I <span style="font-style: italic;">swear</span>, I've seen it). And you're not even safe if people wear bathing suits, because when they decide to change into their regular clothes, off the bathing suits go without so much as a discrete towel in place. <br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m kind of used to Rampant German Nakedness now, but this wasn’t always the case.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I got my first taste of it about 12 years ago, when my husband Dawg (back then, my new boyfriend) and I traveled from New York to Germany for the baptism of my husband’s Godson.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“nakedness” and “baptism” aren’t really two concepts that go hand-in-hand.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For example, you wouldn’t think to yourself: “<span style="font-style: italic;">Oh, I really have to get in shape for this baptism because we might end up naked afterwards</span>.” <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Right?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But that’s what happened.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">I </i>didn’t get naked. But after the baptism and a lovely, graceful lunch, we went for a walk in the woods, came upon a lake, and the next thing I knew every single one of my new boyfriend’s friends, male and female, were stripping off their clothes and frolicking about, buck naked, in the water. I remember sitting on a nearby log, dazed, wearing the red and white silk dress I had bought for the occasion, feeling ridiculously overdressed. I didn’t know where to look, especially when various naked friends came up to me, dripping wet, asking didn’t I want to join in?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> (I couldn't really look any of them in the eye for days after. A case of knowing too much, too soon.)<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mercifully, Dawg did not abandon me to frolic with his friends, but sat with me on the log.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I can’t remember the exact words of our conversation, but I vaguely recall a hastily whispered explanation of <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>the significance of <span style="font-style: italic;">FreiKörperKultur</span> (Free Body Culture) and the assurance that I didn’t need to participate.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">And now my kids are a part of this.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Every time we get near the smallest body water, my boys start stripping.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Actually, they don’t even wait for water. Even just running around the house, they prefer to be “free.” <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My husband doesn’t bat an eye at this and I know that many little kids like to shun clothes, so I try to be cool.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But give me time and eventually you’ll see me sprinting after them, brandishing <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>a pair of underwear.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know it’s all innocent and silly for me to care, <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>but in the end, this part of my culture appears to be deeply engrained in me. I’m just not that comfortable with having a naked house. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I think I’m fighting a losing battle, though.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We spent the last week in Corsica, and my kids never wore clothes when they didn’t have to.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At one point we were on the beach when, apropos of nothing, my oldest boy <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"></span>stopped playing in the sand and proclaimed dramatically, “ I NEVER want to wear a bathing suit!” </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh boy. Think I'll have some 'splaining to do when we're at the beach in the U.S. this summer.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">* Full disclosure: I did go topless on a Greek beach once on my honeymoon. To be honest, it was kinda of nice! </span></span><br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-57748705803806568172011-04-13T01:06:00.000-07:002011-04-13T01:11:20.303-07:00Finding Balance in Life<p class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK9XBk3uLmd7G6h66njGaY8Snh7d0pbk4aEwgQdAld7qJx0WXMPIsv66eEKVOMbIdbOwjg4yt7FatoELpsb_aOZkGiMWw0SvyLLtlQGF5W3FZpqSHRS9fvzhOmrhzvspzusHxyHcwpDII/s1600/12330c4fe1xramr.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK9XBk3uLmd7G6h66njGaY8Snh7d0pbk4aEwgQdAld7qJx0WXMPIsv66eEKVOMbIdbOwjg4yt7FatoELpsb_aOZkGiMWw0SvyLLtlQGF5W3FZpqSHRS9fvzhOmrhzvspzusHxyHcwpDII/s320/12330c4fe1xramr.jpg" width="320" border="0" height="212" /></a></p><div style="text-align: center;"><p> <span style="font-size:78%;">(Photo credit: Michelle Meiklejohn, freeditigalphotos.net)</span></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;"><i>I couldn't decide where to put this post because I think the advice is useful for both moms and freelancers. So, I'm doing something I've never done before and cross-posting it at my other blog, <a href="http://theexpatfreelancer.blogspot.com/2011_04_01_archive.html">The Expat Freelancer</a>. Wherever you're reading it, I hope you find it helpful! </i></p><div style="text-align: left;"><p><i> </i></p></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>Last week, the <a href="http://www.urbanmusewriter.com/2011/04/open-thread-whats-your-biggest.html">Urban Muse</a> posed the question: what is your biggest challenge as a freelance writer? Many of the responses, including my own, concerned finding a suitable work-life balance. Because we freelancers don’t have to punch the clock, it’s all too easy to allow one aspect of our life – usually work –to dominate the other </p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>But you know what? One day, last September, I did it. For about, oh, four hours, I understood my life to be in perfect balance. Don’t laugh! As far as I'm concerned feeling that the world is perfectly aligned for four hours is an amazing achievement. As an expat, I am perpetually seeking – consciously or not – to find a balance between my own culture with that of my adopted country. Because I’m married to someone of a different nationality, I have to do the same in my marriage. Throw a couple of young kids and a new career into the mix and you’ve got one off-kilter lady.</p><p>But last September, for that brief period, it all worked. More than worked – it flowed. </p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>That day was no less busy than any other. I had to drop my three-year old off at school and then pick him up three hours later. I had two big assignments due that I hadn’t yet begun. The baby had a doctor’s appointment later. My husband was out of town for the week, so, I’d have to handle the exhausting evening rituals (dinner, bath, bed) by myself and then pray that the kids would stay asleep so that I could work as late as I could, then get some sleep myself. Normally on days such as this, my mind is constantly abuzz, skipping ahead to the next task on my list before I’ve completed the first one. But on this day, as I picked up my son from school, my mind grew quiet. </p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>As we walked down the street, I noticed that the sky was a deep, pure blue and that the leaves on the trees were beginning to turn yellow-brown. I became aware of the pressure of my son’s hand in mine, of the sweet, singing quality of his voice, and of the rush of pleasure these things gave me. I enjoyed the way the autumn breeze made my open trench coat flap slightly as we walked, and the tapping sound my boots made on the pavement. With every step we took, I grew more and more connected with everything around me, as if I were beginning to see my place in part of an enormous, smoothly functioning machine. For once, I wasn’t borrowing time from the future or the past. Every moment belonged to itself. I was wholly – in New Age parlance – “in the moment.” </p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>This sense of connectedness lasted until we got on the metro, and then slowly began to dissipate. But I didn’t feel any panic or depression as the feeling left me. Instead, I felt both relaxed and empowered. I suddenly understood the key to having a balanced life: being truly present. </p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>Riding the metro home, I had no urge to check my cell phone, check my to-do list, make notes on an article, send out a tweet, dwell on my crammed schedule or engage in any of my usual multi-tasking habits. I was simply happy to sit and listen to my son tell me how he “drew a picture of my belly” at school (no, I wasn’t pregnant – thanks kid.) </p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>When I got home and turned my son over to the babysitter, I sat down to work without guilt and without anxiety for the tasks ahead. Time felt different to me; both more precious and more plentiful. It occurred to me that we generally view time as something that is forever slipping away from us, not as something that we always have. But we do always have time. Maybe not time enough to achieve every task on our list, but time enough to fully appreciate the things we can accomplish. </p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p>Since this revelation, can I now claim to always have a perfectly balanced life? God, no. But now, whenever I feel overwhelmed with work or life, I take a moment to recognize that it’s not necessarily my work-life balance that needs adjusting – but my attitude. Multi-tasking, letting my mind wander, worrying about anything except the matters in front of me can make my whole world spin. <br /></p><p>Taking a good look at the advantages, opportunities and beauty of the moment sets it right again.</p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><p><i>How about you? What helps you to find balance?<br /></i></p></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-3074423421310852582011-03-30T01:07:00.000-07:002011-03-31T11:09:01.257-07:00My So-Called Glamorous Life<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKDmWhvI8813AktIXp_P1FT6TirYSOe4foHBE1OMC1XOGvuaiD9WZUGuFxHUfWlUdVH1iOQHBTWQxbrE9gUhSzm3IvDgaJPUghBugoQcwGnEOpuhfNKUUmUCmKwiU_3JVOacjM8YNAQH0/s1600/472.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKDmWhvI8813AktIXp_P1FT6TirYSOe4foHBE1OMC1XOGvuaiD9WZUGuFxHUfWlUdVH1iOQHBTWQxbrE9gUhSzm3IvDgaJPUghBugoQcwGnEOpuhfNKUUmUCmKwiU_3JVOacjM8YNAQH0/s320/472.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5590305902809367378" border="0" /></a><br /><div 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font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]-->We expat Paris-dwellers are perceived to have the ultimate good life.<span style=""> </span> <p class="MsoNormal">Our friends and family back home fantasize about us spending our days strolling on the banks of the Seine as cherry blossoms rain down upon our heads. We head back to our exquisitely-appointed apartments, all of which come with a view of the Eiffel Tower, Louis XV furniture, and a bottle of champagne chilling in a silver bucket.<span style=""> </span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">No matter what bad things befall us - broken limbs, swine flu, car accidents - the mere fact that we live in Paris makes it all better. By virtue of living here, our lives of suffused with glamour.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It probably won’t help matters, but I’ve decided to create a “glamour scale” to make an objective assessment of the glamour level of my days.<span style=""> </span>With this scale, I will attempt the convey the truth of my life in Paris.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">The scale goes from 0-10, with "10" being the equivalent of me having a strawberry-and-champagne brunch on top of the Eiffel Tower during Fashion Week with the world's top models, Anna Wintour, Karl Lagerfeld and -- let's see -- Johnny Depp, who keeps lavishing me with an embarrassing amount of attention.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">At the other end of the scale, a 0 on the glamour equals... well, let's take a look at Monday. </p><p class="MsoNormal">***<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">On Monday, after my son’s violin lesson (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 5</span>)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I took the kids to the playground at the Place des Vosges (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 7</span>)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">After a half-hour of pleasant play in this lovely 17<sup>th</sup> century square (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 7</span>)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">My 20-month old ran away from the sandbox and I had to chase after him (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 4</span>)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">While I caught up with him, I see my 3.5 year old standing in the sandbox, looking around for me (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 4)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As I urge 20-month old back to the sandbox, I see 3.5 year old drop his pants <span style=""> </span>(<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 2)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I scoop up baby and race back to the sandbox, screaming “Noo! Nooooo!” (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 0)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I arrive as he’s just finished peeing into the sandbox at Place des Vosges (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 0</span>)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">All the other parents are staring at us in disbelief? disgust? as I pull up my confused little boy’s pants and gently scold him (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: -10</span>)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I grab the kids’ shovel and bucket, scoop up the pee-soaked sand, and toss it into the grass (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: -15</span>)</p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> 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priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">I defiantly let the kids continue to play, determined not to slink off in shame (<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 1</span>)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">After a respectable amount of time has passed (5 minutes), I throw the kids and their toys in the stroller and peel out of there -- heading to the anonymity of the rides at St. Paul.<span style=""> </span>(<span style="font-style: italic;">glamour scale: 5</span>)</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Total Glamour Score: 0.8333333</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So there you have it. This is my so-called glamorous life.</p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-80282808529830138172011-03-17T06:15:00.000-07:002011-03-17T06:22:36.810-07:00How to Stand a Bus Stop in Paris<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzJ-2Jh41ZeWCSmsBL0Qv_WM-u055Nx_tp0HHxsjRS8kXN_CMHd2CUH04pklnPuXoLJxqNwTIuNK18JsHyNO39m2ENMgXkouFxSveOCioN8fYFImxgqjp4AbrZGtdSZI7iRwL7Q2oyhcI/s1600/041.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 239px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5585037451408674450" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzJ-2Jh41ZeWCSmsBL0Qv_WM-u055Nx_tp0HHxsjRS8kXN_CMHd2CUH04pklnPuXoLJxqNwTIuNK18JsHyNO39m2ENMgXkouFxSveOCioN8fYFImxgqjp4AbrZGtdSZI7iRwL7Q2oyhcI/s320/041.JPG" /></a><br />Step 1: Cross legs at knee.<br /><br />Step 2: Hold handbag in right hand, low.<br /><br />Step 3: Put weight on front leg for extra braking power (gotta stay steady on those high heels!)<br /><br />This city cracks me up!Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-85386900111119969612010-09-10T03:23:00.001-07:002010-09-10T03:25:49.836-07:00Validation!For anyone who thought I might be exaggerating about the French educational system on my last post, take a look at this article in <a href="http://lnkd.in/Mimyuc">The Telegraph</a>. Sheesh.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-67138773181157960912010-09-04T09:39:00.000-07:002010-09-04T10:28:42.857-07:00First Day of School for the First TimeSo, last Thursday my three-year old started school.<br /><br />My three-year old. Started school.<br /><br />Okay, there’s no need for me to be dramatic about it. It’s just nursery school. He’ll go 4 times per week for 3 hours a day. And yet in the weeks leading up to his first day, I felt as anxious as a mom sending her kid off to college. Thinking about it, I see two reasons behind my nervousness.<br /><br />First of all, I’ve been fretting about what school to send LK to since, well, before he was born. I went to the same school from kindergarten through 12th grade, and I loved it. My school was a small, warm community that had truly creative teachers who knew how to make students think. To this day, I feel the effects of this education, particularly with respect to my love of literature and writing.<br /><br />In the French educational system, the emphasis is not on independent thought. Creativity is generally discouraged. And I have never, ever heard a French person say that he or she loved school. From what I understand, school is something to be endured. Teachers motivate through negative reinforcement; that is, they try to shame students into performing better. This ideology could not be further from my experience and it’s nothing I want for my children. My husband, who attended a wonderful German-American school in Berlin, agrees. <br /><br />We opted for a bilingual Montessori school in the hopes that the Montessori philosophy of “self-directed learning” will override the French cookie-cutter approach to learning. But still…I’ve heard stories of young children being called “null” (nothing) by their teachers after making a mistake and of kids that are stymied by the idea of formulating their own opinion in a school context. (This from friends with kids in the system and friends that have taught or tutored young French students). So, even though I have confidence in the Montessori philosophy, I remain slightly worried about Frenchiness creeping into LK’s education. I’ll go ballistic if anyone in a position of authority ever calls him ‘null.’ That’s the first reason I was nervous about LK starting school. <br /><br />The second reason I was nervous was because I didn’t know what to wear on his first day.<br /><br />Hey – don’t laugh. These things are important in Paris. I learned that early on, when LK was just a tot and I took him to play in the sandbox without getting a pedicure first. That was humiliating. Let me tell you, French moms are not like American moms. I don’t care how young your baby is, or how little sleep you’ve gotten: if you’re in public, you better look good. There’s no rolling out of bed, throwing on sweats and taking the kids to school with your hair all over the place. And you don’t wear sneakers unless you’re jogging (ha!) or they’re Converse high-tops and you’re in the Marais.<strong>*</strong> It just doesn’t happen. <br /><br />I changed my clothes three times on that first morning and got all panicky when I couldn’t find a decent pair of shoes. By the time, I left the house (wearing make-up, dressed in a faux-African print dress, heeled strappy sandals, and a light brown cape), I felt ridiculously tarty. But when I got to school, it was clear I made the right choice. All of the parents dropping off their kids looked as if they had been invited to a late summer picnic whose dress code was “casual chic.” Only nannies wore jeans – and since I am frequently mistaken for a nanny (definitely a subject for another post), I was glad that made myself stand out as a parent. <br /><br />So, now that LK and I both have two days under our belt with this new school, we’re both feeling pretty good about it. LK is happy. The teachers seem sweet and caring. The parents are friendly enough for being French.<strong>** </strong> And I have a good excuse to hit the stores for some chic Fall clothes.<br /><br />_______________<br /><br />*Case in point: On Friday, I took the kids to the playground at the Place des Vosges and observed that not one single mother perched on the edge of the sandpit was wearing sneakers. The mom next to me was wearing black patent leather pumps, another wore camel-colored suede boots and a mini-dress, and yet another wore pointy-toed hot-pink suede sling backs. No joke. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I was wearing scuffed black ballerina flats. <br /><br />**This is not meant to be an insult to French people. Americans are far more open and friendly with strangers than the French. That’s just the way it is. Only one mom introduced herself to me, and I startled another mother by introducing myself and asking about her child (this was at pick-up). But the general air was of friendliness.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-91798529696557859272010-07-01T07:36:00.001-07:002010-07-01T08:06:27.845-07:00Homeward BoundWell, I'm off tomorrow with the two youngsters on my own. Though I'm dreading the thought of 8-hours in an airplane with two active toddlers, I am looking forward to going home. In addition to seeing my family, here's what I'm looking forward to the most:<br /><br />1. Seedless grapes.<br /><br />2. Inexpensive blueberries<br /><br />3. Warm summer nights.<br /><br />4. Knowing that I will be able to wear the little summer dresses and cute sandals that I've packed. (In Paris, summer weather is so capricious that one never knows)<br /><br />5. Whole Foods<br /><br />6. Not being terrified of driving in the city.<br /><br />7. Seeing my kids with my family, in my city, in my country.<br /><br />8. 4th of July fireworks<br /><br />9. Chesapeake Bay Crabs/Crabcake sandwiches<br /><br />10. U.S. shopping (the Soldes are kind of a joke in the face of a Macy's Spectacular Saturday Sale where half the store is 70% off)<br /><br />11. The concept of customer service<br /><br />13. The abundance of cheddar cheese<br /><br />14. Life cereal<br /><br />15. SPEAKING ENGLISH!!<br /><br /><br />But I'll miss France, too. Apart from my husband (and the nanny), here's what I'll miss the most:<br /><br />1. That I won't be able to tell who won the latest World Cup match just by listening to what language is being shouted in the streets.<br /><br />2. Poker night.<br /><br />3. Champagne.<br /><br />4. Grocery shopping on foot (I hate lugging the kids in and out of the car everytime I need to go to the store.) <br /><br />5. Umm.... I think it's been too long since my last visit home because I can't think of anything else I'll miss about Paris right now. I should probably do a post about "what I'm looking forward the most about coming back to Paris." I like Paris best after I've been away for awhile. <br /><br />What do you look forward to when you go home?Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-63271594770825224782010-06-22T13:41:00.000-07:002010-06-23T03:34:25.926-07:00The Sweetest SorrowWhen I was about six months pregnant with my oldest son, I started dating again.<br /><br />Before you shout <em>Whore!</em> and click away from my pages, let me explain: I started dating women. Other moms. Think: MBW ISO BFF.<br /><br />Here's how the mom-dating scene in Paris goes: You meet someone through an online expat Anglophone mother’s forum. If you have enough in common online (usually that being children around the same age and living roughly in the same neighborhood), you agree to meet in real life. You describe yourselves in an email so that you'll recognize each other in whatever café or park we chose. And then you meet, filling awkward silences with polite chat about your pregnancies and/or kids if it was a bad date, or laughing hysterically about life in France, books you've read, your husbands, swollen ankles or whatever, if it was a good date.<br /><br />Just like in the pre-marriage dating world, most dates were just OK. You liked the other person well enough, but you’re pretty sure that you won’t be spending the rest of your lives together. In the pre-marriage dating world, depending on your age, you might stop the relationship right there (like a 20-something), or you might go on a couple more dates to make sure that you’re not missing something (a 30-something). When you’re an expat, you find yourself a lot less choosy about friendships, and so as long as you got along reasonably well, chances are you’ll have a couple more dates before the connection fizzles or you establish a comfortable, though not life-changing relationship.<br /><br />And every now and then, you make a really great connection with someone. Your kids get along, your husbands like each other, and when you get together you can’t stop blabbing. Slowly, she begins to feel a hole that is created by your expat existence. A family-shaped hole.<br /><br />And then, what often happens is, she moves away.<br /><br />I hate this part of being an expat: saying goodbye to dear friends – or people who were on their way to being dear friends, but now you’ll never really know because although you have every intention of keeping in touch, you don’t know how you will because she’s moved somewhere in the world that you probably won’t visit because you already have so many other dear friends and family scattered all over the world and you only have so much time and money to visit everybody.<br /><br />Since moving to Paris, I’ve lost dear friends to South Africa, Montreal, Barcelona, California, Hong Kong, and Rhode Island. Just two days ago, I just lost a second pair of dear friends to Rhode Island – but happily, they moved to the same city as the other friends (with whom we’ve managed to remain close) so that boosts the chance that we’ll visit there and won’t just be “Christmas Card” friends. People who aren’t expat say how lucky I am to have friends all over the world. But I don’t feel lucky. I want my friends here with me.<br /><br />There’s not much that can be done about this dilemma, except to avoid short-timers and build friendships with locals. After suffering a string of losses just around the time of LK’s first birthday, for a long time whenever I met someone new, one of my first questions was: “So, how long will you be here?” If the answer was less than two years, even we had everything in common apart from our parents, I lost interest. Buh-bye.<br /><br />As the good-bye I said on Sunday was my first goodbye in a long time, I think I’ve been pretty successful in recent years in avoiding relationships with Paris short-timers. But I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. The friends that just left really enriched my life here in multiple ways, even though our friendship only solidified in the last 2 years. I would never regret our friendship even though it means that now, for a long while, I will continue to look for them in places that they will not be.<br /><br />So, what’s an expat to do? Keep going on dates, hoping to find The One and pray she doesn't leave me? Blow off relationships that could be great for the short-term but bittersweet in the long-term? Keep everyone at a distance? Or take friendship in whatever form it comes and resign myself to the inevitable sweet sorrow of saying goodbye?<br /><br />What do you do?Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-20564151550894038662010-05-27T08:10:00.000-07:002010-05-27T08:51:34.142-07:00Reason #432 that I'm grateful for my expat lifeSince having kids, I haven’t had a chance to enjoy the main thing I loved about being an expat in Europe: the travel opportunities. Most of our vacations are spent shuttling back and forth between our families in Germany and the U.S. – and as most expat parents know, much as one loves seeing family and friends, visits home are hardly vacations at all.<br /><br />Anyway, last week a good friend did me the solid of marrying her boyfriend down in Basque Country, an absolutely gorgeous, green, hilly part of southwest France that shares a culture with northeast Spain. Driving down south with my kids sleeping (or vomiting or crying or whatever) in the backseat, I felt flooded with the excitement that road trips brings – and especially road trips in Europe bring.<br /><br />When traveling by car in Europe, there’s no need to stay at some skanky hotel/motel off the highway. Why should you, when for almost the same price<em> you can stay in a castle!</em><br /><br /><p><em></em><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaa-7lFOsT2d93lo3Dhw-bajW4h70xjwVKGPGS1oiNCm5BMmSOqhC0mr88Feil_RIxOLC19PL3Sm2m94k1AhuG2MYx0-SnTNsAn0DJXu2osF7UKFOgWDQ1N5Pb2MwKsL_8wMeEECYLfCs/s1600/castle+2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475971732142293842" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaa-7lFOsT2d93lo3Dhw-bajW4h70xjwVKGPGS1oiNCm5BMmSOqhC0mr88Feil_RIxOLC19PL3Sm2m94k1AhuG2MYx0-SnTNsAn0DJXu2osF7UKFOgWDQ1N5Pb2MwKsL_8wMeEECYLfCs/s200/castle+2.jpg" /></a><br />I admit, I’m kind of a castle-whore. If there’s ever an opportunity for me to bed down in one, I will. There’s just something about those turrets… <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA-FOxwl6NUXbIO6u4xI_zz6lD4ol0-f015M9Ja3vO44sjBRYt3s7VIaJAIFshlSBT5lcedYJSr213U6JPTx7DIDlb9y5L4aRK0ECnKLx6sgW-1WawMuNFAVO1F1WWKEkTfRDHBwJ2AP4/s1600/drawbridge.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 150px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475972718779790162" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA-FOxwl6NUXbIO6u4xI_zz6lD4ol0-f015M9Ja3vO44sjBRYt3s7VIaJAIFshlSBT5lcedYJSr213U6JPTx7DIDlb9y5L4aRK0ECnKLx6sgW-1WawMuNFAVO1F1WWKEkTfRDHBwJ2AP4/s200/drawbridge.jpg" /></a> The <a href="http://www.chateau-de-cherveux.com/">Chateau de Cherveux</a> is a 15th century castle mid-way between Paris and Biarritz, near Niort. It was built by Robert de Cunningham, a Scot who had been a captain of an artillery squad for France during the Hundred Years war. Over the years the castle was besieged many times, and it is clear that it was not merely the kind of decorative chateau you find in the Loire Valley: this chateau was a fortress, complete with a moat, drawbridge, battlements, and arrow loop (those narrow windows from which arrows could be fired). The drawbridge is gone, but you can see the rest on a tour of the castle.<br /><br />Like most people visiting a castle, I try my best to travel back in time while there. I place my hand on a stone wall or an original wooden door, trying to imagine the hand of some 15th century person resting on that exact spot. Climbing the staircases, my mind catches a glimpse of the dirty hem of some servant’s robe as she carries a tray up to her master. I won’t say that I force these images – it’s easy to summon the past in such an old place. But my experience at the Chateau was somewhat different. Staying there was a bit like having the past recreated. It was as if we were travelers of yore, arriving at an inn mid-journey. We were hot, tired and dusty from the road, seeking only a filling meal and comfortable bed (and some water for the horses) so that we might continue our travels the next day.<br /><br />Upon arriving, the Chateau owner greeted us warmly and showed us to our room, which was a large sage-green chamber with views of the castle’s courtyard and grass-filled moat. I fell in love with the appointments of the room, including the two massive oak armoires, the wrought-iron canopy bed (sans canopy) and old-fashioned candle holder that would be perfect for wandering the castle’s halls at night. Even the bathroom was charming – the tub was built under a high stone arch.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ8H-_VyjOwvedjSpJlWKb-CGouaifZkbVhz4I_VtUI0CRvo6NuJ3D61YkUpFU6nz5Gq-pRa0CqyEbm0FJqyY4cVEUj-XTeYvOcKBi6pbot-UCYFIEfzFL32LQbmDdnuDZmVqmQ1ZPzZU/s1600/castle+bedroom.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475973156302619538" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ8H-_VyjOwvedjSpJlWKb-CGouaifZkbVhz4I_VtUI0CRvo6NuJ3D61YkUpFU6nz5Gq-pRa0CqyEbm0FJqyY4cVEUj-XTeYvOcKBi6pbot-UCYFIEfzFL32LQbmDdnuDZmVqmQ1ZPzZU/s200/castle+bedroom.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Like many B&B-type establishments in France, the Chateau offered a table d’hôte, which means that they serve their guests a homemade dinner at a communal table. Rather than trying to find a restaurant after a long drive with two small kids, we opted to eat at the Chateau. We were the only guests at the castle that night, so the four of us ate a deceptively simple dinner of goat-cheese quiche, roast chicken and boiled potatoes in a cozy high-ceilinged dining room. We poured our wine and water from pitchers into heavy glass goblets. For dessert, the Chateau owner brought us a bowl heaped with fresh strawberries. When we praised the excellence of her cooking (I saw her in the kitchen messing about with copper pots on an Aga), she told us that all the products were organic and from the Chateau’s farm, except for the chicken which came from the neighboring farm. She also said when there were ten or more guests, her brother-in-law prepares medieval dinners with recipes from Jeanne Bourin's cookbook "Cuisine Medievale."<br /><br />After dinner, we took our wine glasses into the small courtyard and watched the kids chase after a soccer ball as the setting sun turned the castle’s walls to gold. And then, we went upstairs to bed. And even that bed was everything that it should have been. It was as if the Chateau owners had given up their own bed for us. It was that comfortable.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm5qSpMtiqHqcYUeNXoodEXhLY4ONSWP8DtkRBC_oPadcrDQrCVKjN97c-gu_YsAziAKWQS2MQOrlJI0sfReN_vnTIoru-dd5ZeuBSgaO5p2hko-53V2aKNZD_ta9MJX79bVW25IiLv0c/s1600/courtyard.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475974789253554194" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm5qSpMtiqHqcYUeNXoodEXhLY4ONSWP8DtkRBC_oPadcrDQrCVKjN97c-gu_YsAziAKWQS2MQOrlJI0sfReN_vnTIoru-dd5ZeuBSgaO5p2hko-53V2aKNZD_ta9MJX79bVW25IiLv0c/s200/courtyard.jpg" /></a><br /><br />The next morning, the magic of the castle persisted and we had a lovely breakfast of crusty baguettes, sesame bread, croissants, fresh butter and homemade apricot-ginger jam. It was hard to leave. We made noises about moving in. The Chateau owner laughed as she peeled our fingers off of the castle’s gate.<br /><br />I have had the good fortune to stay in many wonderful hotels, B&Bs and even a few castles in my life, but thanks to the warmth, discretion and incomparable taste of the Chateau owners, this place will always stand out in my memory.<br /><br />If you can, go there. </p><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEQE-UGCdwQzs2aBcy8grLkZ65pPekV9YdgZMgJpZnmjNVlEmfVltoXCS3FAtKTcisJ0fyF3bN_jYdgB4KUPNSyR16yuQ8lyYL9NcaLqHqkSWxQDTmC3zsYFbSsOlP4cr-IPYHKpbVj_c/s1600/CASTLE+3_crop.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 270px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475977354037493714" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEQE-UGCdwQzs2aBcy8grLkZ65pPekV9YdgZMgJpZnmjNVlEmfVltoXCS3FAtKTcisJ0fyF3bN_jYdgB4KUPNSyR16yuQ8lyYL9NcaLqHqkSWxQDTmC3zsYFbSsOlP4cr-IPYHKpbVj_c/s320/CASTLE+3_crop.jpg" /></a>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-72559579746441764602010-05-08T13:30:00.000-07:002010-09-04T10:18:25.795-07:00Manners, ShmannersA few days ago, I read <a href="http://parlerparis.blogspot.com/">this blog post</a> by Adrian Leeds about the “murder” of the American Hamburger in France and nearly killed myself laughing. If you don’t have time to click on the link, let me sum it up: the French don’t pick up hamburgers with their hands to eat them – they don’t even put the top part of the bun on the rest of the burger – they eat them very daintily with a knife and fork. Leed’s description is spot-on and is something I’ve observed many times with a sort of awed incredulity.<br /><br />The French are trained at a very young age to eat just about everything with a knife and fork. While I believe that this is generally a good thing <a href="http://letterfromthenetherlands.blogspot.com/2010/04/guest-post-series-where-do-i-belong-by.html">(do people even use knives in the U.S. anymore?)</a>, sometimes when I watch them struggling to eat some down-home finger-lickin' food with a knife and fork, I feel sorry for them.<br /><br />Last New Year’s Eve, I got a hankering for some crab legs (I grew up near a wharf) and so my husband and I bought some King Crab legs to ring in the New Year. The way I grew up eating them, you steam them hot, douse ‘em with Old Bay seasoning, then crack them with either your hands or - if you're a lightweight – a nutcracker. Next, you swirl the crab meat around in some melted butter, pop it in your mouth and go: mmmmmm. It’s not fancy eating. Butter dribbles down your chin. Your hands get sticky with crab juice and seasoning. The table is littered with shells. But who cares? As far as I'm concerned, the process of eating crab legs is just as soul-satisfying as the taste. <br /><br />Anyway, we invited a French couple over to share in these goodies. When I plopped the platter of legs on the table, they looked slightly alarmed -- they had never eaten crab legs before -- but then tucked in bravely. While Dawg and I messily eschewed the nutcracker in favor of our hands, our friends quickly figured out how to use the nutcracker to crack the legs, used their knives to extract the meat, used their forks to dip the meat in the butter and then ate the meat tidily with their forks and knives. I kept having to repress a smile at this glaring cultural difference. But I had no urge to be French about it.<br /><br />Didn’t look like as much fun.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-79096350554847711442010-04-20T14:24:00.000-07:002010-04-21T12:23:16.054-07:00To Asparagus, With LoveAs anyone reading this blog can tell, I am sometimes conflicted about being an International Mama. On the one hand, I love that my kids will (hold thumbs, touch wood) be trilingual and have a broad view of life and the world. On the other hand, I am afraid that they may feel rootless and on the periphery of all cultures, as I often do.<br /><br />This weekend, though, I felt a renewed joy at being an International Mama. All because of a bunch of asparagus.<br /><br />When I first arrived in Paris from NYC in May 2001, I dropped off my bags at the apartment my law firm had rented for me and then jetted off to work on a case in Frankfurt, Germany, where I would remain for the next two weeks. I remember those two weeks in Frankfurt as being cold and gray, but I was enchanted anyway. I was in Europe! I was going to live in Paris! Everything was delightful and strange –the way people actually sat down and had lunch together (instead of eating alone at your desk as we did in NYC), the heavy, old-fashioned room key that opened the door to my hotel room, the excessively long, impossible to pronounce street names. But the weirdest, most wonderful thing I recall about these first two weeks in Europe was that I happened to arrive in the thick of asparagus season.<br /><br />Before that time, I don’t think I ever gave a thought to asparagus having a season. Hell, before that, I didn’t give a thought to any food having a season, except for maybe cantaloupe and watermelon. But if you ever spend time in Germany in late April and May, you’ll not soon forget spargel season. It seemed like a festival. Asparagus was everywhere, on every menu, overflowing on every market stand. Mostly the thick white variety, but also slim green stalks too. I ate it with pasta, on pizza, and drizzled with butter. At the end of my first week, my new boss took me to a restaurant that offered a spargel special, where your appetizer, main course, and dessert all featured asparagus. Out of curiosity (mainly about the dessert), I ordered it. It was asparagus cream soup, asparagus with Hollandaise sauce, and asparagus sorbet. It was all fairly tasty but that was it for me and spargel. I did not eat another stalk of asparagus for the rest of the season.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp7QtKg716Gdw2TtaA5ylwLM5Tl_kBGFAOyTOhEbi5ODK1OOAWBouZmAnJRQp5PZr0Qv1hl6gP3FcqKfv4wsZDq_H1gfyKInPmwa3mLuc6busp1NnKkxzX_6NmyR8etVJomxPYgZiHpwI/s1600/Asparagus.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5462652730773847410" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp7QtKg716Gdw2TtaA5ylwLM5Tl_kBGFAOyTOhEbi5ODK1OOAWBouZmAnJRQp5PZr0Qv1hl6gP3FcqKfv4wsZDq_H1gfyKInPmwa3mLuc6busp1NnKkxzX_6NmyR8etVJomxPYgZiHpwI/s320/Asparagus.jpg" /></a> Anyway, last Saturday, I was grocery shopping with my kids on the fabulous rue Montorgueil (another reason I’m happy to be an International Mama), when I saw the market shelves loaded with asparagus. I felt a burst of happiness. Instantly they transported me back to those days when Europe was so new to me, like a gift I had just unwrapped. They reminded me of how (before culture-shock set in) I was eager to immerse myself in new cultures and new languages. They reminded me that I chose this confusing, exhausting and exhilarating expat life. Most of all, they reminded me that I’m not just standing on the periphery of someone else's culture, looking in from the outside. So many aspects of German and French culture - like looking forward to eating asparagus in the spring -have seeped into my life and become a treasured part of it. I may not be fully integrated into French or German culture (or American culture for that matter) – but I am creating a family culture that draws from all three of the countries that influences our lives. This gives me hope that my kids will be the global citizens that everyone insists that they will be, finding strong roots in their hodgepodge family culture.<br /><br />I bought three bunches of asparagus that day. Later, when my husband saw them in the refrigerator, he shouted joyfully “<em>Spargel</em>!” like a little kid who wakes up remembering that it’s his favorite holiday. I cooked them that night (steamed with olive oil, parsley and a chopped hard-boiled egg) and together, my family and I savored the taste of spring.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-54676897897180909592010-04-16T06:40:00.001-07:002010-04-17T06:24:21.957-07:00International Maman?So. The last time I checked in, I was 7 months pregnant, had just put LK in a French garderie, and was all teary and anxious about him growing away from me into a French world that I know nothing about.<br /><br />These days, the baby on the inside has been outside for 8 months old. LK adores the garderie. And I am happy and proud that my son comes home singing French songs that I don't know. But something happened yesterday that got me feeling reflective and moody about our international life.<br /><br />It was a small something. Really small. All that happened was that the baby (Pup) grabbed ahold of my pant leg to pull himself up and LK, who still gets a bit jealous, pushed at Pup's hands, shouting, "<em>Ne touche pas Maman</em>!" (Don't touch mama!)<br /><br />For a moment, I was filled with pride (well, not about the pushing and shouting part). This was the first time I'd heard LK say a full sentence in that wasn't just a repeat of something he'd heard at the garderie. Then two things hit me: (i) he was speaking to his little brother in French, and (ii) he had referred to me <em>Maman</em>.<br /><br />It's not so surprising that LK spoke in French to his brother. After all, French is the language he hears spoken to little kids the most and it's the one (I assume) he speaks with his peers. Still, it was both awesome and strange to think that my boys' chosen language might be the tongue of neither my husband nor myself. But even odder was hearing myself referred to as <em>Maman</em>. 'Cause I gotta to say, while it amuses me to think they might choose to speak French between them: I don't want to be <em>Maman</em>.<br /><br />There are many lovely things about being a mother, but one of the things I love best is hearing LK call me, "Mama." I never tire of it. Even when he's calling "Mama!" at 3am. Even when he's screaming, "No, Mama!" in the middle of tantrum. Even when I'm on the telephone and suddenly he needs my attention urgently, and says, "Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama? Excuse me...Mama?"<br /><br />To him, I suppose, it's just my name. But to me, it feels like an endearment. A verbal hug and kiss. But hearing <em>Maman</em> on the other hand....I feel nothing. He might as well call me Mary or Julie or some other name that isn't mine. If he called <em>Maman!</em> in the middle of the night, I suppose I'd still get up. But I also might just poke Dawg and say, "Your turn."<br /><br />Seriously though, I doubt that the boys will ever end up calling me <em>Maman</em>. But when they speak in French, they might<em> think</em> of me as <em>Maman</em>. They won't think it sounds bizarre as applied to me. It'll just be what they call Mama in French. This makes my brain whirl. It seems so odd to me that they will have some emotional connection to the word <em>Maman</em>, when I - the person they're referring to - has none.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-59967990922040846252010-04-06T11:38:00.000-07:002010-04-06T11:43:51.032-07:00La RentréeHello? Anybody there?<br /><br /><em>* blows dust off of blog *</em><br /><br />I'm coming back.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-79016582487158283062009-05-05T05:51:00.000-07:002009-05-05T05:53:03.914-07:00Non sequiturThis has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but it's because I'm pregnant that I can't stop crying as I watch Gladiator for the hundreth time? It's not <em>that</em> moving a movie, is it?Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-3949384621196706712009-04-23T06:22:00.000-07:002009-04-23T07:07:30.032-07:00Decision MadeI have been dragging my feet on putting LK in an halte-garderie (basically French day care) because I really wanted him to be in a bilingual one. It just seemed a little cruel to throw him into an entirely French environment when (i) he has so little exposure to French, and (ii) he's not used to being without me or in a familiar setting. But it's tough to find a bilingual garderie - at least one that's near my apartment or one that doesn't costs thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands (keep going - you'll get the idea) of euros a year. And with a new baby on the way, I really do have to think about both distance and money. <br /><br />So, looks like he'll be going to an all-French garderie for a little while. There's one literally 5 minutes away from our apartment and another a little bit further away. The decision is finally made and yet I'm still dragging my feet. I know it'll be good for him to spend time away from me and away from a sitter. I know he'll love it once he gets used to going. But I know there's going to be a good month or so that will absolutely suck. Sometimes he pitches a fit when I leave him with his beloved father in our apartment - so how's he going to handle me leaving him among strangers in a foreign (and foreign-speaking) enviroment? The thought literally brings tears to my eyes. And yet, I know that it's normal and that we must all go through it at some point.<br /><br />In my hearts of hearts, I must admit that my hesitation is not entirely related to separation anxiety (on both our parts) - it is in some part due to my fear of relinquishing him to the French establishment. This is not my country or culture. This is not my husband's country or culture. I feel as if I could easily fail him somehow - by not being able to interpret some sociological situation correctly, or literally not being able to interpret what his teacher, classmates, or classmates parents are saying correctly. I worry that he'll need me to understand something cultural and I just won't be able to. Once again, I'm sure I'm over-thinking this. He'll probably be in an all-french speaking environment for a maximum of a year. And my French is good enough to handle whatever comes up (I think) within the school context at this age. But still. <br /><br />But if I really, really dig into my hearts of hearts, there's more. I am worried about him speaking French - but not in the way you'd think. LK is very quick with languages. I'm sure all parents say that about their kids, but LK speaks extraordinarily well for a 20-month old. He can use full sentences like: <em>Papa's taking a bath</em>, or <em>I like to wash my hands </em>or <em>Where are you going? </em> And he correctly uses abstract words like "gemutlich," which is a complicated German word that can loosely translated as "cozy" but means a lot more than that. (Well, he probably does mean cozy when he says it, but he's not getting it wrong for the German sense either). Anyway, he expresses himself very well and I almost always understand what he's saying either in English or German. But when he learns French, I'm not going to always be able to understand him anymore. My French vocabulary has not yet extended into halte-garderie talk. I've picked up somethings at the playground (<em>pousse-toi</em>! c<em>'est a moi</em>!) but there's so much I still don't know. The French have so many colloquialisms. <br /><br />I guess I should look at it as a good opportunity for me to learn, but I don't like the idea of me not understanding him. And - I really hate to admit it - I don't like the idea of my almost-2 year old having to translate for me! It just reminds me that there will come a time, very soon probably, where LK will realize that I am not "Mom-all-knowing." And that he'll see that I'm "Mom-of-the-shitty-accent" or "Mom-who-only-knows-stuff-when-someone-speaks-to-her-in-the-right-language. " <br /><br />Bof. <em>Que sera sera</em>.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-24277833264679762692009-03-20T23:59:00.000-07:002010-09-04T10:19:09.364-07:00Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Breast?<p>Sometimes I really, really wish I was raising my son back home. Other times, I'm relieved that I'm not. </p><p>I just read an article in The Atlantic titled, <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding">The Case Against Breastfeeding</a>. Wow. Was that author angry! The piece was less about the benefits or detriments of breastfeeding than a rant (an intelligent rant, but a rant nonetheless) about how American society pressures mothers to breastfeed without leaving any room for an alternative. The author (Hanna Rosin) wrote of how formula-feeding is portrayed as tantamount to child abuse by breastfeeding fanatics, and yet science shows breastfeeding to be only marginally better than formula-feeding. She also sounded off about how she hated having to "stay at home breastfeeding" while her husband walked freely out of the door to go to work, and how much harder it is to breastfeed when you're on your third kid and have to make sure that your other two aren't "drowning each other in the tub." In the end, she just wished she could simply opt for a bottle of formula on occasion without being labeled a bad mom. </p><p>There'll probably be tons of letters to the editor roasting the author, but I thought it a brave, sensible stance. From what I can tell (from my vantage point across the Atlantic Ocean), attitudes about breastfeeding in the U.S. are strangely paradoxical. There seems to be this enormous pressure to breastfeed, and yet there's also this attitude that must be done in private or specially designated places. This surely must make a mom feel that she can't go just anywhere with her breastfeeding infant and thus is "stuck" at home.</p><p>I remember feeling this way when I took LK to the U.S. when he was 4 months old. We went to my 8-year old nephew's football game and as the game went on and on, I began worrying about whether he would need feeding before the game was over. I didn't have anything to cover up with (if those apron-like things exist in Paris, I don't know where to find them), and I felt that it really would have been some gross error in etiquette had I whipped about my boob and started feeding him in the stands. Which annoyed the hell out of me. I mean, he's a baby and he needs to be fed. We all know that. So why can't I just feed him where I was without feeling that I'm making other people feel uncomfortable? No one would have been able to see my breast, even without an apron-thingy. But people would have simply been uncomfortable knowing that my breast was not safely tucked away in a bra, and that my child's mouth was sucking on it. </p><p>I was irritated with myself for feeling uncomfortable - why should I care how others feel about me feeding my kid? But I cared all the same. And lest anyone says that it was all in my imagination, both my mom and brother (who were there) thought that feeding him at the game would have been a huge no-no and that I should probably return to the car to feed him, if necessary.</p><p>Admittedly, I'm from DC which I find to be an impossibly (socially) converative town. So, maybe it's not like that everywhere. But I get the impression from reading that article that many places in the U.S. are uptight about public breastfeeding. On that same trip to the U.S. I breastfed LK on the Amtrak from DC to New York, and I almost cracked up at the expression on the face of the guy sitting across from me. He looked liked he wished he could have been anywhere, <em>any</em>where else....sitting in the dining car...standing in the aisle...still waiting on the freezing cold platform. For some reason, it didn't bother me to feed LK on the train, even though I knew others would be made to feel uncomfortable. I guess it's more initmate than a football stadium. </p><p>Now, let me just say that I don't have a phobia about breastfeeding in public. I breastfed LK all over Paris. From the legendary Cafe Flore to the park at Palais Royal to any old Starbucks, I had no problem with it. True, At first I was a little self-conscious, but I quickly realized that it was no big deal. It took my mom a little longer to catch on. The first time I fed LK in public with my mother present, she insisted on holding an old-fashioned cloth diaper in front of us and glared at any passersby who dared look our way. I thought that was hilarious and told her that they were probably staring because they were startled to see a woman holding a big white cloth in front of a breastfeeding mother. </p><p>But even while it's no big deal to breastfeed in public here - many French women only maybe a month or two, if that. The stereotype is that French women worry about what will happen to the firmness of their breasts if they breastfeed for too long. I don't know whether it's true -- the few French women that I know with children have breastfeed. (Though I remember being mildly shocked at seeing a picture of a French friend bottle-feeding his newborn son while they were still in the hospital. I immediately realized that this was unfair of me -- I don't know whether there was breastmilk in that bottle, or why they might have been feeding the little one formula. And moreover: it was none of my business. ) But breastfeeders or not, you almost never heard militant views on either side about breastfeeding here -- well, except against breastfeeding toddlers. I can't even imagine a French woman doing that. My mind is simply unable to conjure the picture. </p><p>In the end, I'm with Rosin. Perhaps it is better to breastfeed, but it's not such a huge benefit that we can actually distinguish between children that were breastfed and those that were formula fed later in life. As Rosin says, it isn't as if she looks around her daughter's second-grade class and thinks, "<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Oh, poor little Sophie, whose mother couldn’t breast-feed. What dim eyes she has. What a sickly pallor. And already sprouting acne!<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"></span></span>” And, though I live in a nation of primarily formula feeders, I don't read about French children having more health problems than American children. It's just unreasonable, I think, to insist that breastmilk is the only path to a healthy child. And I hate the way so many loving, wonderful mothers are made to feel guilty for not being able to breastfeed, and are put under a great deal of pressure to keep trying, keep trying, keep trying, keep trying, even while their child is not thriving on their breastmilk, or the mom is running herself ragged trying to work, and breastfeed, and pump. </p><p>I do wish, however, that Rosin had addressed the Puritanical attitudes toward breastfeeding in public. For the 10 months I breastfed my child, I never felt "stuck" at home or "kept down" because I had to breastfeed. Stuck at home because I was exhausted, yes. Stuck at home because there's so few places to change a dirty diaper outside of your house, yes (the idea of changing tables in public restrooms pretty much doesn't exist here). But breastfeeding never slowed me down. In fact, I loved the convenience of it. Once I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment with the kid, and I remember sitting in a Starbucks waiting for my husband to come home, and being very relieved that I carried LK's food with me all the time. And how easy was breastfeeding at night? Just roll over, stick the kid on your breast, wait awhile and put him down, then go back to sleep. </p><p>At least that's how I remember it. Check back with me in July. </p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-29014046741295204372009-03-11T07:21:00.001-07:002010-09-04T10:19:38.734-07:00On AlcoholIs it weird that my nineteen-month old can distinguish between champagne, wine and beer bottles? Seriously. He knows the difference. Okay, sure, he sometimes points to a bottle of olive oil and shouts: "Beer!" But most of the time, he's right. It's really embarrassing when we pass through the spirits aisle at the supermarket, he's all: Beer! Wine! Beer! Beer! Cham-pagne! Of course, the French are not fazed by this. They smile indulgently and tell me that it's good that I'm starting him on his English so early.<br /><br />It's not like we drink a lot -- certainly we drink less than the average French family. Of course, being pregnant, I'm not drinking at all right now. But prior to the pregnancy, I had at least one glass of wine every night. And before LK was born, we probably drank an entire bottle of wine every night. I guess most American families would view us as having a problem, but having a bottle of wine with dinner is standard for France, and maybe below average for Germany. That said, when we have a party or a dinner, we do have lots of wine and champagne bottles in our wine rack and LK notices.<br /><br />There's nothing really wrong with him knowing the proper names for things. But I don't like any kind of glorification of it. Like last weekend. We were in Germany with Dawg's parents, Dawg's dad found it amusing to pour a glass of beer and ask LK: "What is it? What's in the glass?" to hear him shout "Beer!" I found it less funny. I feel that by drawing attention to it, we're emphasizing that it's something desireable - and something he can't have, which, of course, makes it more tempting.<br /><br />Am I being too sensitive? Not sure. All I know is when yesterday he pointed at a beer bottle and said, "I've some? I've some beer?" then wept hysterically when I said no, it creeped me out.<br /><br />Then again, he does the same thing when I deny him matches...Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-20338270107534405892009-02-28T03:07:00.000-08:002010-09-04T10:14:45.948-07:00On Parisian PlaygroundsOne of the most frustrating things about living in a 3rd culture (meaning not mine or my husband's) is not knowing the rules. Sure, I've absorbed plenty of rules and codes regarding appropriate behavior at dinner parties and other gatherings with French people, but now that I have a child, I find myself back at square one.<br /><br />Take playgrounds, for example. There's a definite etiquette for both parents and children on the playgrounds here, but I'll be damned if I know exactly what it is. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I'm not following it.<br /><br />Like most toddlers, Leroy Klaus always wants to play with other kids' toys. I don’t care when other children want to play with LK’s toys (as long as they aren’t snatching them from him while he’s playing with them), and if another child picks up one of LK’s toys and plays with it while we’re on the playground, I barely notice. I keep a periodic eye on it to make sure it doesn’t end up in the back of someone’s stroller or broken into pieces, but otherwise – who cares? I figure an unused toy is basically community property at a playground.<br /><br />Now, when LK wants to play with someone else’s toy that’s just lying around the playground, this is what I usually do: (i) I figure out to whom the toy belongs;(ii) I make some kind of eye contact or gesture that suggests asking permission to play with the toy, or if the parents/guardian are within speaking distance, I ask (iii) I keep a close eye on LK while he plays with it to make sure he doesn’t abuse it, (iv) when LK is finished playing with it, I make sure the toy is placed back exactly where we found it, or if we found it in the middle of the playground, I give it directly to the parent/guardian, and (v) I make sure that LK immediately relinquishes the toy if the kid to whom it belongs wants it back.<br /><br />Sensible, right? Well, maybe, maybe not. I’ve gotten different reactions from this method.<br /><br />Most of the time, it’s fine, particularly during on weekdays. On weekdays, the nanny-parent ratio on the playground is 5:1. Nannies don’t care who plays with their charges’ toys, and are respectful when their charges play with the toys of others. And if there’s a stay-at-home mom on the scene (we’re in France, it’s almost always a mom), she’s generally pretty cool too. But parents on the weekends….well, many of the parents here genuinely seem to believe that children should only play with their own toys. I wish someone would correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s really how it seems.<br /><br />Like today, for example. LK spies a little plastic tricycle behind a bench, and immediately makes a bee-line towards it. Now, to me, the fact that the trike is behind the bench, i.e., where it is less likely to be noticed, seems very deliberate. So, I distract LK and lead him away. Everything’s fine for a half-hour or so, but eventually he remembers the trike and returns to it. But he’s not trying to ride it or move it, so I let him stand beside it, and watch him exam it lovingly with one finger.<br /><br />I look around, trying to make eye contact with the owner of the trike, but I can’t tell to whom it belongs. But again, I figure, he’s not moving it or trying to ride it, no other kid is claiming it, so no matter.<br /><br />After about 5 mins or so, LK decides to sit on the trike. I try half-heartedly to discourage him, reminding him that’s not his, but as I haven’t yet figured out whom it belongs to I’m still thinking no harm done. But I’m vaguely uncomfortable. Eventually, a man wanders over and picks up a bunch of sandbox toys that are on the bench. He glances at LK on the trike -- but he doesn’t look at me. I force him to make eye-contact with me by saying, “Excusez-nous” (excuse us) and he responds, “Ce n’est pas grave” (no big deal). But he didn’t smile as he said it. He didn’t look particularly annoyed or hostile, but he didn’t smile.<br /><br />Now, in the U.S., smiling or not smiling means so much –but in Paris, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. As a rule, the French aren’t big smilers. They often just don’t see the need for it with strangers, as they see it as frivolous. But I am an American, and I need to see a smile to feel truly at ease in such a situation.<br /><br />Soon, LK starts to try to ride the trike, but he’s unable to work the pedals so he shuffles it between his legs. I limit him to moving up and down the length of the bench, but that only works for a little while. As he breaks free of the bench, I call out to the owner-parent – who is sitting nearby on the edge of the sandpit – Is this okay with you? with an air of being ready to wrest the trike away from LK if need be. He glances at his daughter who is busy playing in the sand, and then nods, sort of half-shrugging. Still not smiling.<br /><br />I follow LK closely as he shuffles around the playground. After about 10 minutes or so, the little girl to whom the trike belongs rushes over. I say – oh, are you ready to play with your bike? She turns away from me, shyly. I go over to LK to pry him away from the trike, and, of course, he starts screaming I’m murdering him. As I carry my shrieking, struggling bundle of love away, I try to make eye contact with the father to thank him. But he doesn’t look at me as I pass, even though LK is wailing like an air raid siren and we were nearly close enough to brush elbows.<br /><br />I really don’t know what to make of this whole thing. Was I wrong to let him play with the trike when it was, I think, deliberately placed behind the bench? Should I have interpreted the father’s unsmilingness as reluctant acquiescence? Was the father kind of an ass? Or was he just being normal, maybe even courteous, by a French person’s standards?<br /><br />This has happened several times before. I remember once LK was playing another child’s truck and the parents absolutely refused to make eye-contact with me the entire time. When LK was finished playing and toddled off, I said “merci” and the parents never even looked up. Dawg was right there with me and we just exchanged baffled glances, then spent the walk home pondering who had been the rude couple in the eyes of the French: us or them.<br /><br />I guess it doesn’t really matter. I just follow my own conscious, and teach LK the manners that I want to instill in him -- i.e., share your toys.<br /><br />What really bothers me is this: I don’t even know if my playground etiquette is appropriate on an American playground. I assume so, but I don’t know. LK hasn’t been of playground age for very long, and the last time we were in the U.S. it was too cold to play outside. When I dwell on the fact that I don’t even know how things like this work in my own country, I start feeling kind of homesick and lost. If I don’t know the right thing to do in the U.S. nor the right thing to do in France, then where do I belong? And if I don’t know where I belong, then how will I help my son to know where he belongs?Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-79295137489263039972009-02-18T11:01:00.001-08:002010-04-14T12:28:01.212-07:00Cast of CharactersOK. Let me start again. I poured out my heart in the first post without even introduing the International Family. So here goes:<br /><br /><strong><em>Barb</em></strong> - that's me. I'm in my late 30s (very late), a former attorney, now SAHM and freelance writer. I'm a black American.<br /><br /><strong><em>Dawg</em></strong> - my husband. In his 40s, still an attorney. He's a white German. We've been together for 10 years, married for almost 6.<br /><br /><strong><em>Leroy Klaus</em></strong> - also known as LK or Lil'Dawg or just The Kid. This is my son, almost 19-months old. So very cute. Silky black curls, pert little chin, mischievous smile, skin the color of toasted almonds. And he's brilliant, naturally. He speaks both English and German pretty well, and has picked up a few French phrases such as "Au 'voir" and "Oooh la la!" I guess he got that from me because he isn't around French people a lot yet (subject for a later post). I don't know whether I'll post any pictures of LK here as Dawg objects to his face being in the public domain. So we'll have to see... I think it's a bit overcautious, but hey - nobody's reading at this point anyway so who cares?<br /><br /><strong><em>Die Kleine</em></strong> (pronounced "D Kline-nuh") -- the surprise baby. A little more than 16 weeks in the making, so won't be playing a huge role in this blog until he makes his appearance this summer. Then again, he's been giving me lots of thumps and nudges, as I write, so maybe I'd better start practicing giving him some attention now.<br /><br />So that's the family. Typical and not typical in so many ways....Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582805095579275169.post-3125007555228069762008-11-18T05:51:00.000-08:002010-09-04T10:16:26.710-07:00IntroductionIt’s difficult to know where to start with this blog. I want it to be many things – a journal of my son’s early years; a cultural analysis of child-rearing in France; an examination of my own (African-)American ideas, expectations and customs with respect to child-rearing; a place to parse through and better understand my husband’s German customs and beliefs. I want to talk about the practical side of living and raising a child far away from my homeland and family, and the fears I have about raising a kid in a culture – well, two cultures really -- that I don’t fully understand. But beyond all else, I want this blog to be a place where I celebrate the many, many moments that I feel awed and grateful to be exposed to so many different cultures, and delighted that I can offer my child the gift of being able to call everywhere ‘home.’Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16201717187120543859noreply@blogger.com2